Smelly, Slow-walking People Suck

Finally, a little time for a blog post! Work has been insane for the past two weeks. I still don't have a boss, so guess who gets to do all the extra work? I actually don't mind it since previously 85% of my days were spent on blogs and Facebook, but when it rains it pours. I have a meeting about the fashion show tonight, so I've spent all week preparing for it. I will be relieved when that meeting is over and I can go home and start my weekend.

The exciting news in my life is that since I have no boss yet, they are sending me to New York in less than two weeks to be a fabulous fashionista! Or at least to experience the glamorous part of my job. I'm way excited. I lived there for two months doing my internships two years ago and I haven't been back since. Plus it's all paid for by the company and I will be taken out every night to be wined and dined. No complaints there! Should make for good blogging.

This week has been way too long. I'm exhausted and starting to feel ill again. I need more sleep, but who knows when that will happen. I'm also very cranky. I had nothing to bring for lunch today so I had to go out to the food court.

[Time out: just got a call from the man who would be my boss's boss. Let's call him Mick. Mick just informed me his boss, who is a VP of the company, will be joining us Monday in NYC. I will have to be on my best behavior and will have to seem incredibly smart. She's the smartest woman I know! Makes me nervous!]

Anyway, as I'm walking to Subway, I get stuck behind two slow walking males. I cannot STAND slow walkers! I want to punch them in the back of the head. And not only were they walking slow, they smelled AWFUL! I couldn't get around them and I was stuck walking slowly behind a terrible stench. Never in my life have I wanted to run up to someone and yell, "WASH YOUR PENIS!" but today I really, really wanted to.

I finally got to Subway and was standing in line when this incredibly old woman came and stood RIGHT BESIDE ME. I could have leaned over and rested my elbow on her head. I'm only 5'4" and she came up to my shoulder, but that's beside the point. The point is that there was no reason she needed to stand that close!

And they only had two people working at Subway. This is during lunch, so one person was making sandwiches and one was ringing the cash register. I don't know who's genius idea that was, but it took FOREVER. Seriously, two people? During lunch? I hate people today!

This weekend should be good fun. The BF has friends in town and Saturday is CK's birthday. Drunken shenanigans are sure to be had!

If You've Ever Wondered...

In order to temporarily get myself out of my rut, I decided to treat myself to a shopping spree. I was pretty disappointed when I couldn't find anything worth buying. I did, however, manage to spend $175 at Victoria's Secret. AND I found the perfect bra for me! It's super comfy, and it makes my boobs look good! I got it in three colors. It looks like this:


This got me thinking about the different types of underwear I own. I can put them into four categories.

Do me underwear, consisting of sexy panties with matching bras, camis, or corsets in sheer, lacy fabrics. These are my favorites. Even if I don't feel sexy, if I'm wearing sexy underwear I will. This is also the most fun to buy, and te most fun to model. I don't know if he notices it all the time, but I usually try to wear the sexy stuff around my boyfriend. I'm sure if I started wearing granny panties he would wish for the good ol' days when I wore this sexy stuff.

Work underwear is usually nude bras and nude mesh thongs. These don't show through clothing and don't give panty lines. Can be sexy, but usually pretty basic.

Comfy undies are what I like to come home and lay around in. Sexy enough to be seen in front of the BF, but comfy enough to sleep in. I especially love the Victoria's Secrets "Sexy Little Things" cheeky panties. They're super cute and more comfortable than thongs.

And finally...

Time-of-the-month underwear Usually cotton boyshorts from American Eagle. This is when I just want to be comfy and not feel fat. More for necessity than aesthetics. Men, be very glad you don't have to deal with this, and don't get mad if your woman wants to wear something comfortable rather than sexy.

Well, that's my underwear theory. I don't think guys have more than one type of underwear, but if you do, tell me about it in the comments!

Something Cute

Bellies's "Bark Obama" t-shirt!

(These pictures aren't that great, they're from my cell phone.)

This Is What I Think

I haven't been posting lately, not because there's nothing to post about, but because there's not much going on. There has been a lot on my mind I have wanted to post about, but then I feel bad about feeding you people this sad, sappy drivel. But then I thought, fuck that! This is my blog, and the reason I have it is to write out my thoughts and feelings and experiences. If those happen to be sad, sappy drivel, so be it!

So, here's what's on my mind lately. 

Work: I need to get out of my office. It is time for a promotion and I will go insane if I have to sit at that desk for another 3 - 6 months. They have hired a new boss for me, but I don't know who it is yet. Some positions for me to move into should be opening soon, so hopefully once the new boss is settled I can move on. I'm just really restless. And Assistant is driving me nuts. It takes her f-o-r-e-v-e-r to do anything. And she complains about it! I don't understand why it takes her so long!

Travel: I want to move. Well, I want to move in the next few years. And if McCain wins, I want to move ASAP. I can't handle another Republican regime, just cannot take it. Anyway, I NEED to travel. I do still have plans to go to Thailand with the BF in January, but that seems way too far away. We had a great time in Costa Rica last January and I want that kind of fun again. But, I don't just want a vacation. I want to move somewhere completely different for anywhere I've ever lived. I want to throw my career path to the wind and just LIVE somewhere. Do whatever job I can get and just experience another culture. Maybe if I get my line going I could do it from wherever. 

My line: I have a meeting with the fashion show committee next Friday. I'm nervous, but I don't think I should be. I'm pretty confident in my skills and my aesthetic. I just want to know if I'm in or not, so I can get started! When I think about how many looks I have to make, and what I want those to look like, and sorting out colors, and fabrics, and doing sketches...it makes me anxious and nervous. I have to push the thoughts out of my head before it explodes.

Shitty Ex-Boyfriend: He's back. I thought the last message I got from him was the last, but apparently he changed his mind. I've got so much other stuff I want to figure out right now, I really don't want him in my head, too. I think I'm going to ban him for six or seven months, at least. I just can't deal with him anymore. 

And then of course, there's my boyfriend: I've definitely been holding back a lot from him. And I've been holding back a lot on here, too. I feel like I usually only talk about him when I'm venting and it comes out negatively, and I don't want to do that. I also feel like if I divulge too much it makes something that should be private, too public. And also, I know he reads this, at least from time to time, so I don't want to say anything on here that I haven't said to him in person. So, that leaves out the inner feelings and secrets that I don't want to tell him. That leaves out the inner-crazy that I need to express, but not to him. 

So, that's what's been on my mind lately. 

Nothing

I haven't posted in about a week and a half, and I really have nothing to post about today.

Work has been insane. Boss moved to her new office, so I've had plenty of work to do. It's been kind of nice to be so busy, the days go by fast, but I was left with a lot of dirty work. Not much of the work I've been doing is the fun stuff that makes this industry glamorous.

I'm trying to get my line into a big show in October and I'm already buzzing with excitement and stress. I constantly have to have pencil and paper around to sketch out my ideas. I really hope I find out if I'm in soon and how many looks I need to have so I can get started. I know will wait until the last minute to get everything done.

Also, I've been sick. I got this weird summer flu thing and had to stay home from work for a day and a half. Apparently it's been going around because a few friends of mine had it last week. I still feel like crap but I just couldn't stay home feeling worthless any more. And it's so odd to be sick in the summer. It's so nice out I want to be outside, but all I feel like doing is sleeping on the couch.

And, of course, I miss my dear friend, Blackdog. :O(

Have a great weekend everyone!

His Answer

Well, this is his response. I'm not quite sure what to make of it. He says a few things that I would like to correct, but I have decided that answering would cause the cycle to continue.

[Coconut],
I'm going to choose my words carefully for this response. I do think your message may have been a bit harsh, but that's perfectly fine. I was not trying to make your boyfriend jealous, I was not trying to cause any problems in your relationship, and lastly I'm not trying to "steal" you away from anything. I generally try to make you laugh or smile with any texts I send.
You do have a lot of truth to what you said. I really really care about you... maybe even too much, but maybe that's what happens when you loved somebody. The relationship we had meant a lot to me, it's difficult to really really connect with someone like we did. But if the past seems unimportant to you, or any of that close friendship we shared while dating is irrelevant... that's okay. I guess all I needed was this email to clarify.
I want to try so hard to be your close friend, but after taking some time to think, you're right. I probably cross the line at times and I'm sorry. Getting back together with you is not my direct intention. But having you say you would never get back together with me does shed some light. I haven't seen you in about two years, not too mention we have many compatibility flaws... so it kind of makes sense.
I do respect what you're saying... I just always thought the reason you didn't like me was because I lied. It now becomes clear that there were many underlying factors, none of which is really important now. I will stop the texts along with thinking we have had some sort of special bond. I just want you to be happy [Coconut]. If being friends with me, texting me, dating me, talking to me... etc. doesn't feel right, or make you happy; don't do it. Maybe trying to be friends with each other, while I have these feelings still after 3 years, isn't the most logical thing to do. I'll always lurv(wow I haven't used that word in forever) you, [Coconut]. I don't want to mess up anything you have going on... let's just drop everything for now. If we should really be friends, it will happen... in time. 
P.S. I sure hope you didn't really read all of this... this was too much

Any insight?

Cleaning House

Fourth of July weekend was nice, nothing special to report. Got to relax, got some QT with the BF, and got a little sun. That was all I needed.

In other news, Shitty Ex-Boyfriend kept sending me seriously random, annoying texts all weekend. Like, this stuff didn't even make sense. Either he's drunk all the time, or he's just really obsessed. Honestly, it's been 2 1/2 years since we broke up. I really, really want him to move on. And, I tell the BF about all this, and even though he's not jealous, it has to be annoying for him as well. So, today I wrote SXBF a message telling him how I feel about all this.

Hi [SXBF],

I have to say something about all the texts and messages. I don't really know your intentions, or what you mean by all this. I don't know if you're trying to make me laugh, or you're just bored, or there is an underlying motive. It makes me a little uncomfortable because I don't how I am supposed to respond. I have been with [the BF] for almost a year now and I really hate putting him in an awkward situation. He is not a jealous person by any means, but I know if he had an ex-girlfriend doing the same thing I would want to kick her ass.

I would love to be able to be friends with you, but I know you have deeper feelings than that, and I hate to think that you believe there is any chance of something more than friends in the future with us. I love [the BF], and even if we broke up I cannot see anything happening between you and I.

I'm sorry if this is harsh or if any of this hurts your feelings. That is not my intention at all. I just wanted to clarify things and let you know how I was feeling about everything. I'm just really confused about what sort of relationship you want with me, and I wanted to make sure there was no confusion on your part of what I want with you.

[Coconut]

I'm very interested to see if he responds, and what he says if he does. I think that spells everything out loud and clear, right?

I still haven't made a solid decision about getting on meds. I have a lot on my mind right now and it's hard to make any sort of decision.

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Baby, I'm Ready To GO

You know how you really love your parents, but you could never live with them again? My parents were here from Sunday to yesterday and they were driving me nuts! I love them to death, but in my one-bedroom apartment, it was just too much.

They did, however, go to the grocery store, go to Target, and clean my apartment for me. They left to visit my brothers in Portland this morning. As helpful as they were, I'm ready to have my apartment back to myself.

In other news, the BF comes home from his latest business trip tonight. He's seemed super stressed this week and I want to do something special for him, besides the usual sexy lingerie and, well, sex. Any ideas?

We're going out of town for the weekend. I'm so excited! I'm still feeling super anxious, and I'm definitely going to try to go the doctor next week, but I hope there's a way I can push everything to the back of my mind and have a nice weekend.

I get off work at 3:00 due to the holiday, 29 minutes to go...

Have a great 4th, everyone!

Text #58,970,694 from Shitty Ex-boyfriend

Earlier today I was thinking about how I've never really had my heart broken, and how much it scares me that I'm going to end up getting hurt by my current BF.

My last boyfriend and I were over for so long before it ended it didn't take much to get over. And he cheated, so that was the end of that.

I could devote an entire blog to the bullshit I still get, 2 1/2 years later, from my Shitty Ex-boyfriend.

Example: He texts me from Chicago at 10:30 this morning.

Nick: I'm on Michigan Ave... sure would be nice to have a shopping partner.
Coconut: You can pretend I'm there and buy me stuff. (I'm such a bitch.)

He texts me back at 3pm. "It's ok... just a little light shopping today, you still would have loved it."

WTF?