Can't Catch a Break

Apparently, 2008 is the year everyone decided to take a big crap on Coconut. At least the first six months of the year have seemed like it.

I was having an awful day Tuesday and that facebook wall post just topped it off. When I'm in a bad mood I don't want to hear about other people's happiness! I don't want to hear about how some guy I used to like is soooo happy to get married! (I'm happy for him, I don't like him any more, it was just bad timing. I want that happiness, dammit!)

So, Boss is getting promoted. I'm happy for her, but it screws me over. Well, it might. So, Tuesday made me realize I had been holding in a lot of feelings, and the realizations I came to when I found out Boss got promoted broke the levee.

My new boss will be a a first-time buyer. Basically, I am going to train this person on how to be a buyer in my area. The thing is, I've been in my position for a year now and it's time for me to move up and on. But, if I have to train a brand new buyer, I might get stuck here for another six months. I will not stay here for another six months! That would not be beneficial to my career. I know another girl that this happened to when she got a new boss, and I will not wait around like that. Also, since this new boss will not know my work ethic and accomplishments, so they won't really be able to endorse a promotion for me.

And, a girl who started when I did just got promoted to an area where she will be above my friend Jen, who also started with us. How much does that suck for her? And honestly, Jen is way more qualified to move up than that girl, and the fact that this girl will be above her blows. She's the type of girl who will boss Jen around and give her "tasks", even though she won't be her boss. I don't really know HR's logic behind that one, but it adds to my frustration.

I just feel like Boss wasn't looking out for me the way she said she was. Before my one year anniversary here, I couldn't promote myself. It was up to Boss and HR. And now that I've been here for a year, I can apply to the internal job postings, but there aren't any openings. I'm thinking about moving to a different part of the company if I don't get promoted by the end of summer.

When I got home from the rough day and Jax's party, I was spent. I called the BF to vent, and then got pissed off when he didn't answer his phone. He had fallen asleep on the couch, and dammit! I needed to vent! Anyway, he called me back and I proceeded to vent and get worked up and overwhelmed, and the levee broke. I didn't realize just how frustrated I was with work, and life in general, until I started talking about everything. It brought it all out and then I started the crying and hyper-ventilating.

I cannot catch a break! Seriously, I just need one good thing to happen to me. It seems like everything that can go wrong, will. My mom had cancer, my brother and sister-in-law moved across the country, my aunt died, all the ups and mostly downs with the bf, and now work shit. Seriously? Who's idea of a joke is this?!

Anyway, the BF listened and gave lots of advice (the last thing I wanted at that point) (if you're going to say anything while I'm venting, it better be "That sucks!" "That's stupid!" "That's bullshit!"). Eventually, I had cried so much I was exhausted and ready for bed. Then, the BF says, "Well, do you want me to come over, or do you want to be alone?" Ok, when in life have I EVER wanted to be alone? Seriously! So I say, "I'm pretty sure you know me pretty well, so do whatever you think." So, he came over and rubbed my back while I cried some more. I turned off the light to lay down and go to sleep and he turns over, away from me! Haven't we learned this lesson already? I physically turn him over and make him spoon me and hold me, and tell him how much he sucks at comforting people. (I later apologized, I was just being mean.) Needless to say, I was exhausted yesterday.

Boss emailed me yesterday to say we should have a meeting this morning at Starbucks to go over my development before she leaves. I figured that would give me another day to cool down and really think about what I needed to say. I also talked to the BF about what to do when I'm upset. I know he would hate it if I started giving him tons of advice when he's venting instead of listening and nodding in agreeance. So I explained that all he has to do is listen and put his arm around me, and not turn over when I'm still laying in the fetal position crying. Hopefully he actually learned the lesson this time.

I had my meeting with boss today. I really am happy for her promotion, I know she didn't want to stay in our tiny office as much as I don't want to, and now that she won't be my boss we can be friends without the boss/employee thing getting in the way. I had a good review, and I expressed that I'm really looking to move up. She agreed with me that I'm ready, she said HR knows I'm doing a good job, and she agreed that I should start applying when something opens up. She also said she would let my new boss know that I'm ready to move up and that I will be applying for positions that open up. I'm just scared that they won't want to move me up because they won't want an entire office of all new people. I really hope that doesn't happen, because like I said, I'm not gonna stick around in this office for six months. All in all, I feel a lot better after talking to boss, and one of the people they are interviewing is someone I really like, so I hope she gets it. We'll see.

Hopefully the last six months of 2008 will go a little smoother.